Home | How To Become More Outgoing As An Introvert… Or As An Extravert?

Hey everyone, I’m Erik Thor, an expert on using personality psychology for flow and personal development.

How To Become More Outgoing As An Introvert… Or As An Extravert?

Stereotypes say introverts are less outgoing than extraverts. This is because people often assume that extraverts are socially proactive. Truth is, there are numerous reasons extraverts can become more withdrawn, and this article will explore the true reasons behind “social anxiety” and “shyness”. Beyond that, this article will attempt to kill the idea of introverts as shy, and descriptions of introverts as loners. The reasons introverts are shy are different from why extraverts are shy. Let me show you.

Reasons introverts are shy

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Introverts don’t know what they are thinking or feeling before they’re done processing it. Introverts may not trust their own feelings or thoughts enough to want to share them with others. Your processing is overall slower, so when you know what to say, others may have already changed the subject.
Ask yourself questions about what you feel, find something objective and see how it fits with your emotional state. Let yourself feel your emotions and thoughts. Don’t judge yourself for thinking bizarre things. It’s okay to backtrack conversations and to return to subjects later on.

It’s generally more easy for the extraverts to label their own thoughts and feelings as their feelings are often based on objective, visible, tangible information. Introverts may feel things but have nothing to “wrap” their thoughts to, causing them to just know that they are feeling or processing, but that they have no clue what.
It’s often easier to trust your thoughts and feelings as an extravert because you know why you’re feeling it and what caused your feelings. That also makes sharing much easier.  And it’s easier to share, because you think faster, and you can respond faster as an extravert. But that doesn’t automatically make extraverts more outgoing.

Reasons extraverts are shy

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The extravert is picking up on that nobody is interested on what they have to say, so they don’t say it at all. Extraverts can be very sensitive to social signals. The extravert finds that nobody can share at their level, and that they are “too intense” for others – so they shut off or contain themselves out of respect for others. Just because you are more on than the introvert, doesn’t mean that you are interested in everything. Lots of extraverts learn to filter information by wearing headphones or cancelling out annoying information around you.
Find allies and people that are interested in your thoughts and perspectives, show others how your thoughts and perspectives have been right in the past. Ask others what they feel comfortable with and see how others are feeling if unsure. Find people at your own level. Explore your own interests and what gives you energy. Sort out and get rid of things that take away your energy.

The introvert is often able to more easily block out or ignore annoyances around them. They are less disturbed by annoyances around them because their attention is very selective to begin with. Their experience of others and external information is more muffled. They listen selectively. And they need less input from others. Introverts don’t necessarily care that nobody else is interested in what they have to say, why experts can keep on rambling even if nobody is listening. Often, introverts talk simply to process their own thoughts, and not because they need input from others.

Sensitive Extraverts

Extraverts can be sensitive, and introverts can be non-sensitive. Sensitive extraverts share the common extraverted traits – a mobile, active temperament, quick thinking, and strong instincts. But they need more downtime and time to process their experiences. Their senses are more sensitive, and therefore, they will often want to filter out noises and disturbances. Sensitive extraverts need a lot of information, but they may prefer books, articles, and exploring the secrets of the world. They don’t necessarily care about what is clearly visible.

Non-Sensitive Introverts

Introverts don’t have to be sensitive. Some love bright lights, strong sounds, intense environments. They can easily stand on the stage and perform for others, and they can be in the centre of the crowd. Non-sensitive introverts can make great politicians, media figures and teachers. They are often instructors, sharing their expertise with others. They seem very steady and reliable and seem to have a lot of energy. These introverts are calm and stable and easy to trust. They seem like they could easily hold their own in a crisis and that they wouldn’t be easily shaken up by anything.


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