The Twelve INFJ Traumas
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These are all excerpts from my upcoming INFJ handbook.
We all carry traumas. Some we were born with – inherited from our parents. Some happened early in life. Some later. Some just recently. Some minor ones occured just the other day. (You know, when you forgot to buy bread and felt upset over your incompetence.) Things happen, and these are the twelve core traumas I have seen in INFJs – based on your enneagram.
Not good enough for your vision”
You felt heavy at the thought of reaching the end goal of your vision. At the same time, you rejected your sensitivity, wishing you were stronger and could reach your ideals faster. You became perfectionistic, demanding yourself to be a tough, enduring, resilient, perfect weapon to fix the issues you saw with the world. But being strong brings you no satisfaction, and now you’re in a loop, working harder, yet only feeling more and more dissatisfied and disconnected from yourself.
INFJ-2 “Need to stop friends from getting hurt.”
You felt overwhelmed by the burdens of your friends and peers. Seeing them suffer, you decided that you had no time to focus on yourself or your personal vision. You ended up devoting yourself to guiding and helping other people. But you feel frustrated, as if nobody listens to you. So you think you need to communicate better, more clearly, and more strongly to be heard.
INFJ-3 “Need to prove myself to my friends and family.”
You found that your more philosophical side had alienated and estranged you from others, and you found yourself thinking you need to prove your value and worth to other people, by showing them you were just as capable of achieving mainstream success. But you got no value from it, and did not feel happy by it, and now, you’ve decided to settle for the second best option: being admired.
INFJ-4 “Need to refocus after failure or heartbreak.”
You found yourself burnt out and heartbroken after pusuing a passion or vision and failing. You ended up falling into the four, channeling yourself into a more practical life, putting all your energy and doing everything to perform well at something you were less passionate about. Your romantic, dreamy side is constantly making itself reminded however, but you’re doing your best to keep it under tight reigns.
INFJ-So “Fear of being alone”
Your past lifestyle and your quirky interests and visions made you feel isolated and alone, and you decided to try harder to fit in and to make it with your friends and peers. You’re trying hard not to show your intuitive or quirky side and you’re trying to stay upbeat, positive, and polite when possible.
INFJ-Sx “Fear of losing someone you care about.”
INFJs can understand anyone – even the devil himself. And you found someone who’s suffering and constant self-destruction required your constant attention and constant action and surveillance. You are now a full-time counsellor of someone and doing your best to guard their interests. Why? Fear of loss.
INFJ-Sp “Fear of upsetting balance and harmony.”
You came to devote yourself to upholding balance and harmony in the world, but you felt still, that you had no role in that balance. You feel ashamed, perhaps over past mistakes, and you hid yourself away and decided to act only as a guard of harmony, rather than an agent in the world’s affairs.
INFJ-5 “Overthinking & Fear of failure”
You felt that a situation or a challenge became so demanding of you and so overwhelming that you decided to distance yourself from it. Perhaps your sensitive nature and your philosophical gifts could not help you at a task, and now you’ve withdrawn to acquire the necessary skills to manage the world better.
INFJ-6 “Insecure about self.”
You feel that you have failed at some vital mission or at something you were passionate about, and you have come to doubt yourself and your own wit. Unsure of your own power and ability, you have come to surround yourself with strong-minded individuals.
INFJ-7 “Believe you have to abandon friends and family for your vision.”
You’ve found yourself on a vision or a path forward and this path has made you feel estranged from friends and family. You are not sure why you are on this path, but you feel that you need to continue and find out whatever it is that you’re seeking. But don’t forget who you are on this journey.
INFJ-8 “Preoccupied with the anxiety and anger of the people.”
You’ve found yourself carrying the ideals and visions of your friends, family, and the human collective. You are now working tirelessly to preserve these interests, but while this is fulfilling, it is also frustrating work, as you have to carry the anxiety and anger of the people on your shoulders.
INFJ-9 “Fear of conflict”
Fearing your ability to do well at your own ideas and passions, you’ve become preoccupied with championing the ideas of your friends and the people around you. You’re the muse of your friends and the one that can come up with visions and ideas for other people – and you’re the seer who can see any eventuality and the future of any individual. You’re now preoccupied with guiding people through this future. But what about your future for yourself?
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