Love for Yourself
For years, I believed that loving myself meant improving myself: cutting away the ugly parts, holding myself to impossibly high standards, and pretending I had infinite energy. When I burned out in my early twenties, I had to learn a very different lesson. Loving yourself is not about wearing a mask of strength or proving that you are special. It is about quiet honesty: listening to your real feelings, dropping the stories you tell yourself, and treating yourself with respect.
Authenticity is not about proving how unique or different you are. It is the trust that you can listen to your own inner voice, admit your mistakes, drop the mask, and meet the world as you actually are.
Erik Thor, Why I Care
What I Learned About Honesty
The stories we tell ourselves
I was never very good at lying to other people. If I tried, my face gave it away in two seconds. But I was an expert at lying to myself. I could omit inconvenient facts, use negative self-talk to justify poor decisions, and stay stuck in situations that hurt me. Honesty is not just expressing your current mood; it is seeing past the story you invent to justify your fear.
The trap of the rebel mask
After my burnout, I swung between two extremes: either I was a special soul destined to save the world, or I was a broken outsider who would never fit in. I took pride in being different and looked down on others as shallow. I had turned authenticity into a weapon and an identity. But true authenticity is never a performance.
Meeting Future Versions of Myself
To find your real voice, you have to start with a radical assumption: assume that almost everything you currently think you know about yourself is incomplete, and often entirely wrong.
When I was fifteen, my mom tried to convince me to study advanced mathematics. “I’m just not good at maths,” I insisted. “It’s just not my thing.”
Years later, I discovered that I have a genuine affinity for mathematics and logical systems. Later still, I told myself: “I’m not a programmer; I’m too people-oriented.” Today, I work as an IT architect, collaborating with teams and writing code every day. In the Netherlands, I told myself I hated the Dutch language. Now, I seek out every chance to speak it.
We trap ourselves in rigid definitions of who we are. None of us have the imagination to foresee our full capacity. When I tell myself that something is “just not me,” I am usually just protecting myself from the discomfort of being a beginner.
“I haven’t met the version of myself that likes olives yet. I hope to meet him one day. I am willing to try them again.”
Micro-test quiz with 10 questions
Share your match percentage in the comments or post your custom results image to social media.
Practical Self-Care Worksheet
Use this interactive worksheet to examine the areas where you are being hard on yourself, spot the stories you repeat, and practice grounded self-respect.
Authenticity Development Guide
Reflection & Practice
Questioning Your Self-Concept
What is one label or limitation you have placed on yourself (e.g., ‘I am not creative,’ ‘I am not good with people,’ ‘I can’t handle conflict’)? What would change if you assumed that story was wrong, and gave yourself permission to try again without judgment?
Continue Your Journey
Take the Eight Forms of Love Test
Discover where your love for yourself stands alongside the other seven dimensions of care. 48 reflective questions, instant breakdown.
Explore the Book: Why I Care
Read the full story of how I stopped criticizing myself, dropped the armor of detachment, and learned to live with an open heart.
Loading discussion…