✦ Book Crowdfunding Campaign
Why I Love
Eight practices that help me overcome cynicism
Why I Wrote This Book
“Why do you care so much, Erik?” My classmate asked. He continued: “The more you care, the more easily you get hurt. That’s why it’s easier not to care.”
My classmate had a point. My caring led me into a lot of pain and hardship. I got involved in politics as a young teenager and fought day and night to protect the environment. My desire for world peace brought me into conflicts and arguments, and at age twenty, it drove me into a burnout and depression.
I also know what it’s like in the aftermath: to isolate yourself from your friends and family, to live on your own, and to build walls around your heart and your passion. I stopped being so cynical. Closing myself off did protect me from suffering, but it also made me feel less alive.
So if I met my classmate today, I would say the following: “Not caring is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do.”
Since I was born, I’ve been learning how to care for myself and others; I’ve been in a lifelong process of discovering my values, what I want, and why. It hasn’t always been easy. Sometimes, I get into a negative inner self-dialogue, and I don’t like myself very much. At other times, I get stuck in a bad spiral and complain to my wife about my colleagues and my job. I don’t think I’m alone in feeling that way.
There are times when I struggle to care for myself and others. Living in the Netherlands, it rained constantly, and for a long time, the grey skies got in the way of my mood. But today, I look at rain as something beautiful and peaceful. And I remember being a child. When I was a child, I’d jump in rainpuddles. Then, rain brought me joy.
I’m learning to dance in the rain. I’m learning to care. I’m learning to be a more loving partner, to be more kind and supportive to my colleagues, and toward nature. Why do I want to care? Because I’m starting to think that love is the point. The love of myself, my feelings, and my thoughts is the goal in and of itself.
How I Learned to Care
Caring isn’t simple. There are times when we don’t want to understand a person. Times when people frustrate us. Times when we frustrate ourselves.
When I don’t like myself, I start to label myself. I might call myself mean names. Other times, I search for explanations. I want to understand, but I can’t. Is it because I’m an introvert? Is it because he’s an extrovert?
I wanted to understand people so that I could connect with them better. So I spent more than a decade studying personality psychology, sociology, and communication.
My studies taught me a lot. Sometimes, it gave me words and a vocabulary for complex feelings and sensations. Other times, it gave me an interesting theory on why people behave the way that they do. It was a good starting point. I made videos sharing my insights, and people said that it helped. It felt like a way to care for and help others.
But while the theories helped me connect with some, it made me more distant from others. I thought the theory just wasn’t accurate enough. That I just needed a better theory, a more precise word. But that just wasn’t the case. No theory would explain everything about a person.
I’ve come to believe that categories and labels are healthy and normal. They give me useful words and descriptions, but just of what is on the surface. In conversations, my brain is quick to label and categorize people, but I train my attention to focus on things beyond the first labels and assumptions. I try to find the things underneath a person: the hidden intentions, the unspoken thoughts, the unfelt feelings. The potential waiting to be discovered. And that’s when I transcend the frustration and see the more beautiful human reality of a person.
I started to learn to love a person’s contradictions: the emotions that couldn’t be explained, and the thoughts that didn’t fit.
In part, this book marks my shift from theory to real, lived experience.
Launch Video: Why I Love
Author introduction by Erik Thor
Why I Love is a book about letting go of masks and social roles to discover who you really are outside the expectations of others. In this short video, I introduce the core practices that help us move past cynicism and build an inner compass of values.
“Not caring is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. Caring led me into pain, but closing off made me feel less alive. Love is the point.”
Guaranteed Fulfillment Regardless of Funding Target
This campaign is an open pre-order for Why I Love. Every order will be printed, packed, and shipped worldwide regardless of whether we reach the funding goal. Pre-orders close on October 18th at midnight. Because my wife and I are welcoming our newborn baby around November 9th, I have set a transparent 3-month fulfillment headroom (shipping late autumn to winter 2026/2027). Books may ship immediately after the campaign ends or slightly later as we settle in as a family. You will receive direct, personal email updates at every milestone.
Checkout
Review and complete your support
Discover What You Care For: The Eight Forms of Love Test
To me, love is the most important thing there is. In Why I Love, each chapter explores one of eight distinct values—how we hold them, how we test them, and how we protect them when life gets difficult.
I created the Eight Forms of Love Test as an open, reflective companion to this book. It takes about five minutes, asks 48 straightforward questions about how you act when things get tough, and gives you an honest look at what you care for across all eight dimensions: yourself, the people you love, the people who struggle, life itself, your future, the truth, your ideas, and your work.
What You Will Learn: The Eight Chapters of Love
In Why I Love, each chapter in Part II explores one distinct dimension of love—tracing how we move from intellectual armor and self-protection into real, grounded connection. Here is what you will explore and discover in the manuscript:
1. Love for Yourself
And why I stopped criticizing myself
- What you will learn: How to quiet your inner critic, stop using psychological labels to limit your growth, and discover that your true nature is far richer than the narrow stories you tell yourself.
- From the chapter:
“If there is anything my life has proved to me, it is this: I am so much more than I think I am. I am more capable, more adaptable, and more complex than my conscious ego realizes. None of us have the imagination to foresee our full potential; our true nature is always richer than the stories we invent about ourselves.”
2. Love for Others
And why I gave up my computer to make more friends
- What you will learn: How to step out from behind digital barriers and social anxiety, meeting people as they are without trying to fix, analyze, or categorize them.
- From the chapter:
“My summer had taught me something important: life is best understood by facing it head-on, not through abstract theories. Two weeks into high school, I went to see the school counselor and asked to transfer from theoretical physics to the humanities. ‘That’s possible, but you will have to give back your computer,’ she told me. ‘Gladly!’ I said, with a big smile on my face.”
3. Love for Life
And why I looked at the sky and stepped outside
- What you will learn: How to recover everyday awe and sensory presence, moving beyond screens and mental simulators to engage directly with the living physical world.
- From the chapter:
“For years, I wondered how it was possible that, with so many fascinating sensations around me, I didn’t feel an endless desire to experience life head-on. To explore, touch, taste, move, and dance in the face of shifting lights, roads, textures, and sounds… For me, the desire to explore and take in the beauty of the world is a core source of everyday joy.”
4. Love for the Truth
And why I gave up trying to know everything
- What you will learn: How to let go of intellectual righteousness, dogmatic certainty, and tribal debates in favor of humble, curious questioning and real listening.
- From the chapter:
“‘I am going to learn everything about everything!’ I proclaimed as a child. ‘That is not possible,’ my teacher replied… It took me years to realize that needing to know everything was just fear in disguise. Genuine wisdom begins the moment you give yourself permission to say: I don’t know.”
5. Love for Your Future
And why I got on the roller coaster
- What you will learn: How to loosen the grip of chronic worry and the illusion of control, caring for the version of you that comes next by choosing courage today.
- From the chapter:
“Courage is how I make my future possible. Every future I have ever wanted came from taking a risk, expanding my comfort zone, or doing something that scared me… Trying to hold on to complete certainty is like trying to hold water in your hands: the tighter you squeeze, the faster it leaks through your fingers.”
6. Love for Your Work
And why I cut the telephone cord
- What you will learn: How to strip away perfectionism and corporate pretense, returning to play, flow, and the joy of honest craftsmanship.
- From the chapter:
“Play was my job as a child. When I went out with my friends, when I lined up my action figures, when I built with Lego, I was practicing for my working life. Nobody paid me and nobody assigned it, but I took it seriously and gave it my full day. It was play back then. It is play now.”
7. Love for Your Ideas
And why I stopped waiting for the right time
- What you will learn: How to overcome the fear of judgment, stop rushing for external validation, and nurture new creative impulses by making messy, courageous first drafts.
- From the chapter:
“When an idea comes to me, I have a choice. If I accept the idea, it becomes my responsibility to bring it into the real world and do it justice… I had turned my creative work into a chore by rushing for external validation instead of doing my real ideas justice.”
8. Love for Those Who Struggle
And why I stopped trying to save the world
- What you will learn: How to practice compassion without falling into burnout, savior complexes, or moral superiority; and how to sit with people in hardship with genuine solidarity.
- From the chapter:
“When I saw the environmental crisis, poverty, and injustice, I put the entire weight of the planet on my own shoulders. In trying to take responsibility for the entire universe, I lost control over my own life and drove myself straight into burnout… True compassion required me to sit down with people I disagreed with and actually listen.”
Discussion & Reflection: Why Do You Care?
What is most important to you, and why? How do you practice and protect your core values in daily life?
Why I Care
What is most important to you right now? What are the values you refuse to compromise on, even when life gets difficult?
Pre-Order, Shipping & Book Details
Everything you need to know about the timeline, pre-order guarantees, manuscript progress, and fulfillment.
Will my pre-order ship even if the campaign does not reach the funding goal?
Yes, 100% guaranteed. This campaign functions as a direct pre-order rather than an all-or-nothing speculative project. Whether we have 10 backers or 100, your order will be printed, carefully packaged, and delivered to your doorstep worldwide.
When does the campaign end, and what are the shipping times?
The pre-order window closes on Sunday, October 18th, 2026 at midnight.
Regarding fulfillment: my wife and I are expecting our newborn baby around November 9th (give or take a few days). To balance printing, packaging, and our new life as a family with care and realistic honesty, I have set a 3-month fulfillment headroom (late autumn to winter 2026/2027). Depending on how smoothly print runs and family life unfold, orders may ship right after the campaign wraps up, or in steady winter batches. Either way, you will receive personal email updates every step of the journey.
What is the current status of the book, and how long is it?
The manuscript is 90% complete and ready. I began writing Why I Love in Barcelona almost exactly three years ago (autumn 2023). Over the last three years, it has been refined through lived experience, personal reflection, and dialogue.
The final page count is still flexible because I am continuing to edit, polish, and tweak the chapters throughout the campaign to make every sentence as clear, warm, and grounded as possible.
Where do you ship, and how is shipping handled?
We ship worldwide. Domestic orders within Sweden and international orders to Europe, North America, Australia, and worldwide are packed with protective eco-conscious mailers. Shipping rates are calculated transparently at checkout.
How and when will digital rewards (eBook, Audiobook, Worksheets) be delivered?
Digital editions will be sent directly to your checkout email. All files are 100% DRM-free (standard EPUB and PDF for e-readers, and high-fidelity MP3/M4B audio files for the audiobook). Digital rewards are sent as soon as final mastering and typesetting are locked in.
Can I update my shipping address if I move before the book ships?
Yes, of course! You can update your shipping address anytime before dispatch by replying directly to your order confirmation email or reaching out via Personalitopia. We will also send a final confirmation email to all backers before packages are dispatched to the post office.