Love for Others
For years, I assumed that when I felt lonely, the solution was simple: go out, be interesting, and win people over. I treated conversation like a performance, collected friends like high scores in a game, and checked YouTube analytics to see if I was popular. But popularity never cured loneliness. True connection only began when I dropped the act, gave up the need for applause, and met other people with quiet presence and simple curiosity.
Connection is not a performance where you have to impress the other person. It is the simple decision to show interest in someone else’s reality.
Erik Thor, Why I Care
Presence Over Performance
Giving up the laptop
On my first day of high school, the municipality gave every student a laptop. Within two weeks, I felt numb. Every class and every break, everyone stared into screens. I walked into the counselor’s office, dropped advanced physics for the humanities, and gave back the computer with a huge smile. I wanted to look people in the eyes.
The transactional trap
When you think of relationships transactionally, every conversation becomes a wrestling match. You feel you have to look sharper, sound smarter, and be more entertaining than everyone else. But in transactional relationships, everyone is replaceable. Real friendship starts when you stop treating people like stepping stones.
Looking Up from the Screen
For years, I lived alongside thousands of people while treating them as if they existed only to complete a transaction.
I would rush into a coffee shop, barely glancing at the barista, treating them like a vending machine. When I finally slowed down, I realized they were not robots—they were human beings with their own fatigue, hopes, and heartbreaks. I started asking how their morning was going. I started using people’s names. Involving others in my day with a simple smile changed my entire experience of walking through a city.
Once, I arrived late at a busy conference because of train delays. Everyone had already clustered into tight groups. Exhausted and out of place, I stood alone in the hallway, messaging a friend about how awkward I felt.
He gave me advice that changed everything: “Open your eyes and look for someone else who feels the same way.”
I looked around the room, and I saw three other people standing awkwardly by the wall, looking just as hesitant as I was. I walked over, introduced myself, and asked what brought them there. The anxiety evaporated. I was not trying to be anybody special anymore; I was just being present.
“Genuine connection cannot be faked. When you try to put on a show or put someone on a pedestal, they feel the distance. What draws people close is presence and time, not performance.”
Micro-test quiz with 10 questions
Love For Others Match
Check off statements above to calculate your match score.
Practical Connection Worksheet
Explore your communication patterns, identify where you tend to retreat behind social masks, and practice unconditional presence with the people in your life.
Connection Development Guide
Reflection & Practice
Presence in Your Relationships
Think of a relationship where you have felt distant, guarded, or disappointed lately. Have you been treating that connection like a transaction, or waiting for them to make the first move? What would it look like to reach out with an honest, unconditional conversation today?
Continue Your Journey
Take the Eight Forms of Love Test
Discover your balance between caring for yourself and caring for the people you love across 48 reflective questions.
Explore the Book: Why I Care
Read the full story of how I learned to drop the performance, listen deeply, and form unconditional friendships.
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