The goal is not to overcome our humanity, our basic desires, our fears or worries. It’s to learn that life is bigger than any of these concerns, however real they may feel in the moment.
Self-transcendence needs
Self-actualization needs
Esteem needs
Belonging needs
Security needs
Physical needs
That’s the basis of Maslow’s ideas, commonly misunderstood as a pyramid. But Maslow himself was the first to admit that personal growth isn’t a linear pursuit. You don’t have to “climb” a mountain. If anything, the hero’s journey to personal growth is circular; you complete it, and you start over again, over and over, for the rest of your life…
Self-transcendence isn’t some upward struggle to “transcend” or “overcome” your human nature, your flaws, and your failures. You don’t have to complete a course or series of trials in order to “self-transcend,” and you don’t need to spend a decade in a monastery. It’s not that once you’ve “overcome” your need for security, you’ll somehow move on to suddenly only care about your social belonging. You will always feel hungry because hunger is human.
The people you look up to for being wise and accomplished are just as human as you are. Don’t seek to be what they are. Seek what they sought.
On a normal week, I might find myself:
Spending a little time worrying about my money or monthly budget
Wondering what I’ll eat or worrying I’ll get sick
Feel bad about the criticism I received at work
Wondering about how I fit in with my colleagues
Thinking about how my online work is received or how many views I’ve gotten on my most recent posts
Thinking about my future or where I’m headed with my work
These are just some of the normal concerns of a human being. They’re normal because we all feel them. We all have worries and concerns. Yours may not be exactly the same as mine, but you can see how some of them are social in their nature, some are physical, some are about your work or your skills or self-confidence, and sometimes, it’s about your future or your purpose in life.
What remains is that these are all rooted in feelings of deficiency. We worry because we feel, on some level, deficient. Whatever we have, it feels as if we don’t have enough. These are D-needs, after all. Your ideas about your goals are things you feel you need to achieve or overcome.
Your concerns about your social status or approval may, for example, be rooted in feeling not good enough the way you are. Your concerns about money could stem from not feeling able to provide for yourself or live within your means. You have to lack to want. Do you really lack? What does it mean to lack? When do you lack? How much do you have to lack to be deficient? The truth is, it doesn’t seem to matter.
Rich people and poor people both worry about money, though perhaps not in the same way, yet it feels real to them. The millionaire wants to be a billionaire, and the billionaire a trillionaire.
You can have no friends, a few friends, or many friends, and you may still worry about your social status. When I was five, I worried about my family’s money. When I was a student, I worried about my loans. When I got a job, I worried about my salary. We all know this, and I think we are all, at the same time, exceptions to it. We all believe we’re going to stop worrying once we hit “the next level” – once we receive more approval from those we want approval from, once we get a raise, once we achieve a personal goal we perceive to be significant. But once we get there, we still feel the same.
Regardless of whether you believe you’re an exception, you may wonder what the alternative is. What if there isn’t one?
I think, if you can make peace with the fact that you are worried, that you are always going to be worried, there is a great deal of strength in that knowledge. This wisdom changes everything. If you stop deluding yourself about the perceived “happiness at the end of the tunnel,” you must reconcile that you must find happiness, come what may.
Somehow, poor or rich, friends or no friends, you have to make peace with those feelings, accept them, and accept that they are there. That they will always be there. This is the acceptance of Samsara, the acceptance that life is suffering and always will be. Can you make peace with that, and can you find happiness despite that?
Self-transcendence, in the ideas of Maslow, is not achieving freedom from your human needs or your human nature. Self-transcendence is just finding the ability to admire the beauty of nature, of life, of the universe, regardless of whatever silly worries you’ve got going on in your head at this time. Maslow called it the Being state of mind. You’re not striving to become in the future. You already are.
On Nietzsche, and the idea of “transcending” your humanity, Jung critiqued: But if you transcend your human nature, you will no longer be human. The desire in people to become “superhuman” was, in Jung’s view, a pathological fantasy. You don’t have to overcome your religious beliefs, you don’t need to cast aside your human desires or urges. You will always be human. So be human.
When Maslow spoke of transcendence, he referred to “peak experiences.” The feelings of awe when we look out from a mountaintop. The beauty of a flower. Being a human is a wonderful thing. We don’t need to stop having our human everyday insecurities or worries. We don’t have to aim for a day or a life without all these things. We have to learn to live and be regardless of our everyday concerns.
A windy day in Glastonbury last year, in October.
The bliss of the wind when it touches your neck. Over this past week, with the return of the sun, I’ve been spending hours and hours outside, unable to get enough. The first 20 minutes outside feel great, but over time, it transforms, it’s no longer just great, it’s wonderful, and a little longer, wonderful isn’t enough to describe it anymore… The feelings of well-being, I can’t describe it. It’s pure perfection.
Feelings of awe and wonder add up. You look at a painting for a second, and it’ll be like nothing. Look at it for 10 seconds, and you might feel something small. Look at it for a few minutes, and you’ll start to really appreciate its beauty. How often do we stop to even let ourselves feel something these days? And how much weight and importance do we give to our everyday human concerns? You could spend your entire life rushing, hoping to one day rest, relax, and let go of it all. But what if you could learn to smell the roses on the way?
And so, after spending time outside, the fears and concerns of a normal workday can’t touch me anymore. The stress doesn’t matter. The smaller conflicts and disagreements fade into the background. Life goes on. Every day brings new struggles, and those struggles are part of the life you live. They’re yours. I’m not saying they’re not important. I’m saying that regardless of how you feel, self-transcendence is a possibility.
You can get out of your head whenever you want to. You can open your eyes to see the bigger world around you. The world is full of wonders, and the universe is a beautiful place. Sometimes, your struggles, like clouds, may keep you from seeing the inherent beauty around you; still, it is there.
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