Since my burnout, I’ve been on a long journey to figure out who I am without my work, my passion, or my ambition. I’m not saying those things aren’t important to me anymore, or that I don’t want to change the world, make a difference, or care about success, achievement, and status.
You see, I was an outgoing, passionate, and creative boy, with a strong drive to improve the world. But I had no idea how to balance that passion out. Only in my 30s did I finally learn to direct my fire without burning my own hands. People that struggle with my level of ambition, they tend to identify as Enneagram 3s, or 1s. Or they say they’re ENTJs, or ENFJs.
I still want to make an impact. But over the last decade, I’ve been trying to rediscover how work shifts my energy, my mood, and my happiness. It’s about how I approach life, why I make the decisions I do, and how I find joy in what I choose.
The Compulsion of the “Superhero Instinct”
I have always been a bit of a workaholic. I was extremely driven in my studies, and I was just as driven when I was involved in youth politics. I was always working hard to improve myself, to grow as a person, to make progress, and to reach meaningful results—whether that meant getting views on a YouTube video or achieving a promotion at work. Those things were all important to me then, and they remain important to me now.
But back then, a strong sense of urgency pushed me forward. I thought the world would end if I didn’t achieve my goals or finish my tasks; I truly believed they were that critical. Later, I would come to call this a “superhero instinct”—this feeling that I was the master of the universe and had to take care of it all.
If I could talk to my teenage self today and try to convince him to relax and take it easy, I know he wouldn’t listen. He would have said:
“I understand what you’re saying, but I need to do this. I’m the exception to the rule. I can’t make it unless I work and spend twenty-four hours a day on this. I have to keep going. I can’t take a break.”
Eventually, I had to come face-to-face with the facts. I realized that every time I completed a goal, I just ended up pushing the goalpost further back. I kept thinking I just had to do a little more, and then I’d finally be able to relax. But that day never came.
Hitting Rock Bottom
What finally made it click for me? I think it was the realization that I had hit rock bottom. The more burnt out I got, the harder I thought I had to work. I tried to step up my efforts to compensate for how unmotivated I felt inside, pretending to be driven while getting worse and worse results. My video views dropped. I felt less and less happy in my life. I kept telling myself, “Once I get this new job, it will get better,” or “Once I learn this new skill, it will get better.”
It didn’t. It just got worse.
At the same time, I was stuck in an unhealthy relationship. My partner at the time would get angry over small things, using them as an excuse to yell at me, demean me, and call me names. She wanted to provoke a reaction, to insult me and make me angry. My response was simply to try harder, apologize, and hope that it would eventually get better. It only got worse. To make her happy, I ended up spending all my money on expensive trips and gifts. We got a car lease and an expensive apartment. After the breakup, all of it had to go.
I can see my own flaws in that dynamic now, and I don’t share this to place blame, because it always takes two to tango. But when that relationship finally ended, it felt like a massive stone was lifted off my shoulders. I had spent so much energy trying to prove myself to her, my parents, my viewers, my audience, and my boss.
Suddenly, I realized I didn’t have to do that anymore. I could let go.
The Freedom of a Fresh Start
When that weight was lifted, I was able to completely shift my priorities. I realized I could do anything, be anyone, go anywhere, and live anywhere. The world was open to me. It brought immense peace, joy, and freedom.
Of course, the transition wasn’t overnight. It took about half a year to pay back my debts, find a new apartment, and sell the car. I lost my job during that same period, making it a completely clean slate. But once the dust settled and the work was done, I finally felt like I could rest.
I went to Barcelona, Spain, to learn how to take it easy on a completely different level. I had managed to save up a strong buffer by then, which gave me a sense of financial security. I found a cheap rental studio apartment and spent my days on the beach, participating in philosophy clubs, meeting new people, and spending time in nature and hiking in parks.
I loved it so much. That was the first year in my life where I had no goals other than to learn to relax, to play, to love, and to simply be human—not superhuman.
Learning to Be Human
Because I was finally relaxed and because I had managed to let go and breathe, I was open to meeting Nina. With her, everything felt easy from the start. I didn’t have to perform or work endlessly to sustain our relationship.
Things came naturally. We understood each other intuitively, and I never felt the need to overexplain who I was; she just got it. She looked at me with understanding and peace. Even if we had a disagreement, we could talk it out, figure out the root cause, and find a new way to connect. We have a relationship based on kindness, listening, and communication. We make a point to see each other and make each other feel loved every day.
Life led me into her arms, and this Friday, after 2.5 years together, we got married. It was a sweet, spontaneous midsummer ceremony. We had been engaged since last year, and although we have our big celebration planned for next year, we couldn’t wait to sign the papers. So when we saw a sign that said “Drop in wedding,” we thought, let’s go.
Since then, we’ve been celebrating with friends and family, swimming, barbecuing, and having the summertime of our lives. In two weeks, we’re going on our honeymoon to Italy, Lake Garda. It’s going to be amazing. And even though I make my health and happiness a priority these days, I’m still able to fit in and work on things that I care about.
I still have passions. I still have ambitions. I still work hard, constantly improving things, writing, building my website, and moving toward new horizons. I am also working toward becoming a good father, with our baby due this November.
The difference is that it no longer feels like agonizing work; it feels like genuine passion, and I love every minute of it. I’ve learned to enjoy being small, being unknown, and having a normal job. I no longer see regular work as a betrayal of my soul, my passion, or my purpose. I no longer expect myself to be rich or famous, and I don’t feel the need to be a savior for others.
That shift has given me an enduring inner peace. I still move forward, but I don’t do any of it in a rush anymore. I take time to go out, swim, relax in the sun, and take breaks. I’m finally approaching life in the most natural way possible.
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